Posts in anxiety
Punishment for Love

The more people we know closely, the more deeply we love them, the larger the certain debt of pain that will come with grief, and the more we have to worry about. Because life is happening all around us, all the time. More and more, I have come to understand this as the fundamental human dilemma. To love is to lose. The more we love, the harder we lose. And the option? There is no option.

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It Couldn't Be Any Other Way

I went for a run in the arboretum, trying to shake the sadness about my daughter not coming home for Thanksgiving that has been shadowing me. Instead of which, I started ruminating about all the choices I have made in life that resulted in this eventuality. Entirely ignoring that her opting to spend the holiday with her partner is the natural order of things, that she lives on the other side of the country and the airfare for a weekend is absurd, that I’ll see her in a month, every pounding step was an accusation, recrimination, castigation. Suddenly I could see in full array, every mis-step, wrong headedness, and failure, and knew with absolute clarity that I have completely blown it.

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